I blame Ben 10.

'That's it! You have had your chance, it's going off!' If ever there was a top ten chart of parental sayings this would be a non-mover. My five year old, Rueben has just successfully cruised past his three warnings and now Ben 10 has been banned. And he has no idea about it.

In the Glover household my wife and I conducted an in-house 'experiment'; If Ben 10 was actually not shown for a few weeks would this make a difference in Rueben's behaviour? We're already a few door handles down and gone through a few granite slabs from the stamping of feet. Naturally attitude levels hit an all time low and frowns were as common as a woman on a bad day. As much as I fancy Super Nanny I didn't walk to call her, she was a last resort and probably dealing with the back log from The Jeremy Kyle Show.

There has been lots of research and quite frankly bollocks into how we should all parent our kids. As a man we would hand out discipline as was our up bringing. I, for example, was threatened with the wooden spoon and it indeed was used when I stuck two fingers up in my Dad's face. I'd seen it on Grange Hill and thought I'd give it a go. Nowadays if you even thought about opening the cutlery draw to do such a thing you would be sent down for life (and before my Dad gets arrested I want to point out he's been dead since 2003 and it never did me any harm...that is all!)

But do you see my point? By banning the very kids TV show that I loved I never stuck a finger up ever again (unless it was into my nostrils for a good rummage or any recent 'road rage'). At the moment I am into week three of the 'experiment' and what a difference?! By not having Humungousaur  throw various fire balls at the baddies or Gwen turning into ice every five seconds has really changed Rueben's very being. He now goes to bed without an issues, gets up and ready for school within 5 minutes and I've not seen the 'omnitrix' for a while. Quality time as a family has moved up a few gears also.

I am not saying you should not let your child not be a child, that would be wrong. This would mean he/she would grow up too quickly and make our Christmas' boring. I know how hard it is and that sometimes you just want to lash out, you are only human afterall. However, by getting to the very core of the problem will actually bring results. You just have to find out what that problem is.

Of course, this is just from a Dad's point of view about his own son. I would imagine if I had a daughter* I would have to ban Hello Kitty (the kids version, not the channel high up on the Sky box) or Dora The Explorer (is it me or does she have a bit of an un-healthy obsession with The Map?) Give it a go for a few weeks, I'd love to hear your progress.

Exploring children's minds and how they work has fancinated me ever since I found out I was going to be a Dad. There is one thing that has really baffled me though; how can you fit 10 aliens all into a watch?!

*working on this.

Ben Glover is 32, lives in Malta with his wife and son. He is a broadcaster/DJ and writer for magazines plus other publications. The Daddy Cool Box is currently weekly (ish) and an escapism for Dads! For more info e-mail direct: gloverfreelance@gmail.com

You're lovely but no Victoria Beckham

There is an elite organisation that is unique to the day. A group of people that live for one of two moments a day. This group will rise early in the morning, spend at least three hours choosing what to wear and have many advisers ready via sms or phone calls. I am talking about the school run.

Yep, it's just gone 8 AM and I feel I've just driven through Milan's main fashion hub staring the yummy mummies of Malta. From the seat of my battered 1995 Daewoo I've seen designer jeans finished off with some big shoe things (no idea what they are called, the wife did ask me to take a photo next time which is easier said than done when sat behind a ruddy 4x4). Top half ranges from Italian fashion house to Tommy Hilfiger blouses accompanied by silver accessories that Primark would only be happy to rip off flanked by handbags made by some French bloke called Lewis.

Hair either neatly tied back or lovingly straightened (probably by stylist) with a sheen of gloss that looks like they've been through the finishing stages of coach work at Rolls Royce. Watches are the size of a town hall clock which were probably worth more than the tyres on my car, in fact the whole car put together. Instead of the local police wardens directing the gridlock of SUVs and BMW X5's that will never go off road it should be Gok Wan.

And that is just when it is sunny. If there is a hint of rain out comes the umbrella's styled by some dude who likes to wear his shades in doors whilst pruning flowers from his studio penthouse. It really is an experience...and this happens twice a day, everyday for five days. After dropping off the kids to school and they head to the work place it must be like watching 'Not what to wear' live!

Now, you if you know me well then I am not the person to say what he thinks or indeed have a mouth bigger than average. However, I had to investigate this further. Whilst during an 'altercation' with one of the locals over a parking issue (technically it wasn't a driveway more a bridleway) one of the mums from my son's class came over to help translate. She must have been a bit late out the door as her outfit only really came €500 and clearly the salon was shut that morning. Still my, umm, lady in shining Guicci armour did answer a few questions to the fashion parade I see every morning. And the best bit? Most of them do not work. That's right, hours of endless preparation just for the school run.

All this and I turn up in my old army shorts, a t shirt that I have had on for at least 26 hours and driving the oldest car in the world. Naturally, I am not complaining, it is the highlight of my day. My wife cannot understand why I am so enthusiastic at stupid o'clock in the morning to witness 100's of Victoria Beckham wannabies drop to school their offspring. I love it. And I always said there should be school at the weekends...

Ben Glover is 32, lives in Malta with his wife and son. He is a broadcaster/DJ and writer for magazines plus other publications. The Daddy Cool Box is currently monthly and an escapism for Dads! For more info e-mail direct: gloverfreelance@gmail.com

DJ Daddy Cool...well, I think so.

If you are a builder, plumber, taxi driver or nurse you will know how important you are to your friends. You know, the kind of friend who calls you to so you can offer your services at ‘mates rates’. My Mother-in-law is queen of this. Recently she had the misfortune of accidentally running a speed camera in the UK at ‘slightly over the usual speed’ and too see  if any of my ‘friends’ could help her. Well they did, they stopped her driving like a loon for a few months. 

So imagine my life as a DJ and the parties I have done free of charge. (I always assess the situation first; their job title, how much money they earn, women they know, cars etc. This defo helps the repayment process. The Ferrari 360 was my particular best earner).

This latest act of free masonry was a 13th birthday party for one of my promoter’s daughters. Now, bearing in mind I have been the warm up DJ for Calvin Harris, Mark Ronson and played to thousands across the UK this actually would not be a problem. Especially as this person had two Porsche’s, a bar and two great clubs. Not to mention the streaming amount of women on tap all of whom love vodka and LMFAO.

I also believe in the ‘Seb Fontain theory’: ‘The best DJ’s are ones who can fill a club on a Friday night, play the wedding on a Saturday and do a 50th on a Sunday’.  (Sadly this tattoo did not come out too well on my arm so I just keep it on my iPhone).  With this in mind I turned up to the gig armed with Justin Bieber and The Saturday’s. The venue was an outdoor terrace bar in Malta that would put many in Ibiza to shame and I was next to the bar, sadly no booze. And then the smell of free magazine perfume mixed with Lynx Africa meant only one thing; the adolescent crowd had arrived.

Expecting scraps over football and hair pulling from the girls after too much lemonade I was totally surprised at my young Maltese ravers. Each greeted one another with hugs, kisses and smiles while wearing the latest Gucci. I felt really left out, my shirt only cost €5.

The last teenage party I did was in the UK where the cake came from Asda, the DJ also from Asda and a police van had to be stationed for the rest of it’s shift. And Lord could this lot party?! Infact this hormone filled crowd danced and behaved better than some of the clubbers I’d played to this summer. I loved it.

Then a thought. A scary one. It wouldn’t be too long before my own son will be partying in his teenage years. If my friend’s daughter was having a party like this then no pressure on me! I wonder if Seb Fontaine is free in seven years time?).

Still, Rueben got a ride in a Porsche Boxster, Nichola had a great time (not to mention the presents) and I get a blast in an old 911. Oh, and the buffet was immence…

Ben Glover is 32, lives in Malta with his wife and son. He is a broadcaster/DJ and writer for magazines plus other publications. The Daddy Cool Box is currently monthly and an escapism for Dads! For more info e-mail direct: gloverfreelance@gmail.com